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caledonia creek waterfall snow footprints

*

somewhere
under the ice shelf –   
echoes
.
winter’s curtain is closing –
what a performance!

*

Linked to Carpe Diem Special #134: “Actors We All Are”, where this tanka by Fuyuko Tomita is our inspiration:

Actors we all are, she said
mirrors to reflect
each other
We all leave the stage, she said
and left a smile in mine

© Fuyuko Tomita

I stuck with the “actor” theme – but otherwise abandoned the mood of the tanka!  Sorry.  And as to the song — change “rainy” to “snowy”.   

And – um – yeah.  Finally got to revisit Caledonia today.  But it was frozen over.  Ah well.  Such is life.  That top photo? That’s my favorite waterfall.   😄

Ice Shelf Caledonia 2

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38 thoughts on “somewhere (tanka)

  1. I like how the haiku has the bareness of the ice itself, and how the ‘echoes’ shifted between metaphorical and actual meanings as I read your description.

    Plus I learned about foxes registering their footprints in the snow. Those guys are cool 🙂

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    • Thanks Blake! Looking at this one again — it *is* much better as a haiku. I may leave off the cap and add it to the “bookable” list.
      And now –it’s interesting to look at this waterfall — having been in Caledonia so much lately and seeing it as a raging torrent. And now it makes me wonder too — about the rustlings in the underbrush — have I heard that fox a few times? It would be nice, wouldn’t it? Perhaps the doe will put in a good word for me and (s)he will make an appearance. 😉

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      • That’s something I’ve been enjoying lately, now that I’m paying more attention to my surroundings: watching them change over the weeks. Today in the wood – almost no bluebells [gasp]!

        Hopefully, you do get to meet that very clever fox of yours – with a bit of patience and luck… Lots of foxes around here – sometimes see them trotting across the roads at night 🙂

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        • No bluebells! Terrible!!!
          I know what you mean though. It’s full-blown mountain laurel season in the woods — and I’ve been watching the tone of the greenery changing. Haiku will do that to you! 😉

          Didn’t see any foxes — but — guess who I saw this evening? Yup. That deer again! Or one of many, hard to tell – but I choose to believe it’s the same one. 😀

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        • So far she doesn’t glow in the dark or anything — but if she does there will be plenty of haiku about **that**! 😉
          But yes. She does feel like a kindred spirit of sorts. 🙂

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  2. Brilliant pic and loved this haiku. I thought the volta was good…but then again…what would a little Aussie battler know of these things LOL ! Those prints are too precise for a fox….they are the prints of the Yowie! What it is doing up your way remains a mystery.

    The Moody Blues! Oh now that is a blast from the past….I remember mooning over some unrequited love which seemed to go one forever during this period….reinforces that I am pleased I am no longer young….so much of it was awful:) ! Enjoyed this post very much.

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    • The Yowie! Now that would have been a story — picking through the icy forest with the Yowie lurking in the shadows! 😉

      OH yes … the Moody Blues are great for mooning over unrequited loves. A teeny tiny portion of me still connects the MB with a creep who loved my geometry homework more than he loved me. (The bastard!) LOL

      So glad that you liked the turn – was wondering if it was a total flop. You know how it is when things make sense in your own mind … but to no one else. o.O This is encouraging — so thank you.

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  3. You start out with a really strong haiku, there. Love the first 3 lines especially the 3rd. “Echoes” Didn’t see that coming, but now I can hear it! This haiku can stand alone. If you were to submit some haiku for publication I would recommend you submit this one. It’s publishable in my opinion. I can see it in Frogpond or Modern Haiku. Seriously!

    It needs a stronger capping verse, though. A capping verse should link to the lines above it but twist and go in a new direction. What you have now is an explanation and an opinion of the scene. I would recommend abandoning any preconceived theme (stages etc) and go with where the poem needs to go instead of trying to wrap it up in a themed little bow.

    Typically the last two lines of a tanka switch to personal thoughts, feelings, relationships without telling, summarizing, giving an opinion. That word “echoes.” That could easily be linked and twisted to a personal experience of the past.

    I dunno, maybe I am stepping on creative toes. I don’t mean to. I just see a really good poet in you and I offer suggestions in the spirit of friendship only.

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    • Thanks Lolly — I understand and I’m not offended, honest! It’s great that you liked the haiku portion of it. 😀
      It IS much stronger as a haiku.

      The poem took on so many forms and versions and twists as it was being written. The ending has personal meaning – winter meaning something entirely different here – had to keep it veiled 😉 – but I neglected to give anyone a toe hold – some way of recognizing that life experience. The ending comes across as a bit goofy perhaps. o.O

      So — this is good feedback, and I appreciate it 🙂

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