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old shadows haiga 1

Version 1:

blue shadows
stagger over these fields –
into memory

in place of darkness
i nurture a fragile light  

Version 2:

old shadows:
these fields stagger
into memory

i nurture a fragile light
in place of darkness

2 25 2015 fence snow gettysburg blue

Linked to Carpe Diem #679: Light, where our host offers these haiku featuring both “spiritual light” and “physical light”:

on the verandah
in the light of a Spring lantern
writing haiku

writing haiku
inspired on the wonderful sunset
a Spring evening

**

celebrating the sun
with narcissus flowers in my hair –
Spring Equinox

Spring Equinox
day and night the same length
departing Winter

Lyrics

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35 thoughts on “old shadows (tanka / haiga)

  1. Ah it’s always a delight to see the mistress of the haiga in action! (Hmm ‘master’ is incorrect, but ‘mistress’ lends itself to such connotations – anyway, you know what I mean) 🙂

    Really, another perfect haiga – image, colouring, font and, of course, the text. The whole atmosphere is flawless.

    And it’s nice to see the two versions, if only to see how vastly your tiny tweaks improved the tanka – “these fields stagger” brings the reader up short in a way that the original, reading so much more logically, simply can’t compete with.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ah yes …. I’ve wanted to tell Bastet that she’s the “mistress of the wordle” … but … ahem….! 😀

      This is one instance when I’m amazed by how much those subtle changes affected the tanka. Wow. I can’t remember the technique now — but — I believe Chev. mentioned a technique that involved leaps of logic. [You’re the *master* of that, of course.]

      Thanks Blake 🙂

      Like

  2. Jen, between the fence, the stunning words that changed and rearranged, suddenly it was winter on the Gettysburg’s battlefields. Ghostly figures still seeking the light.

    Like

    • Thanks Dom 🙂 So glad you liked it 🙂

      You should see it here in Peeay. This constant snow and ice is making it tough on the deer. On an hour-long trip to Hershey we saw over a hundred deer from the roadside. Little groups of a dozen or so. The poor things are starving. We’re going to have these icy fields for a while, too, sadly. NJ is probably the same. Everywhere, these blue fields of snow.

      Like

    • Thanks Celestine — this helps 🙂
      Poem kept morphing while I was creating the haiga -!
      Very glad you enjoyed it.
      All the best to you —

      Like

    • Thanks!
      It was weird — as I was adding the text to the photo it evolved into something slightly different. Worked better in the end.
      Another experiment 🙂

      Like

      • Ah .. the muse … correcting the work in course .. today’s haiga (about light) actually has 3 versions …

        into the darkness
        drift shafts of guiding light
        aiding passage

        into the labyrinth
        drift shafts of guiding light
        around obstacles

        I’d finish writing it and save when all of a sudden I didn’t like the version and would re-write it …

        Liked by 1 person

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