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this way haiga

Version One

which way?  
a ripple of tree roots
emerges from ice
*
no intentions to decipher:
only thirst

Version Two

this way: 
a ripple of tree roots
leads me
*
no intentions to decipher
 …only thirst

2 25 2015 caledonia snow ice tree root

Linked to Carpe Diem Special #135: Santoka Taneda’s “Freestyle Haiku”, where this haiku is our inspiration.  I’m also linking to Carpe Diem Shuukan: Intentions.

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33 thoughts on “this way (haiga / tanka)

  1. Another fine haiga – even the ‘frame’ adds to the effect beautifully. I do love attention to detail! 🙂

    As for the two tanka – hmm interesting… My initial reaction was to prefer the second because the addition of ‘me’ allows the thirst to apply either to the tree or the person, which is nice. But then… having brought the person into version 2 of the poem and reading the first again, the person is still there in the last two lines, only more subtly now; plus you get to keep the emergence from ice, which is a strong image. So, I ended by prefer that version 🙂

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    • Thanks Blake! Your evaluation (is that the right word?) of the tanka is so helpful here. And it makes me reevaluate! At first I was also thinking “version two” — but now I’m not so sure. I may add both to the “bookable” file and see how I feel about them later. This is a dilemma … and it makes me understand why Basho revised so many of his haiku! 😀

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    • Thanks Dom 🙂 I am so glad you liked the post 🙂
      That’s been the overwhelming consensus so far so I’m feeling much better about the choice. Thanks for the feedback 🙂

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  2. This haiga is striking and love the edit .. as for the haiku, I prefer your second haiku, the one you used in the haiga … in this case, the “self” seemed suited to the subject … I liked the first one .. and maybe it was more in the Japanese spirit, but the second was truer and therefore more vital, if you understand what I mean.

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